Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
