After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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