You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
