Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
