Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
