Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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