babies were throwing up all over the place
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
