So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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