if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
