i think i have two assholes
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
