i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
