At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
