I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
