chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He uses pillows to masturbate.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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