how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
