So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
