I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
