just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
