On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
