There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
