sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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