Sry I called you an 8
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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