When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
