Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
