Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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