Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
