ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
