eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
