I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
