Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
