At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
third nipple confirmed
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
