Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
