I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
