I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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