Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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