I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i need some magic done to my vagina
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
