alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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