I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
