I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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