At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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