I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I could make wine with my vomit
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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