Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
