i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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