if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
