I met the friendliest cop last night
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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