this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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