fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This is the high leading the old right now
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
