She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you're hired as official boob wrangler
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
