omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
