At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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