YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
