You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
