WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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