my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
