I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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