Whod you bang
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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