4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
