We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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