he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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