I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
